The case of the mysterious No-Starts

One cold winter day in 1992 I was working at a local Nissan dealership when we were suddenly plagued with a string of cars that would not start. Funny thing was...we had just worked on them, ALL of them. Wow, what were the odds that every car we serviced that day would fail to start when the customer came to pick them up?

It was four o'clock and the parking lot was frozen solid. Just the sight of a flock of technicians slipping and sliding as they pushed cars into the shop was funny enough on its own, but we had a serious problem and customers waiting.

Each of us dove into our own favorite diagnostic strategy: connecting scanners, pulling spark plugs, checking batteries—but nothing worked. It was quitting time and none of us had found the cause of the problem. Disappointed technicians and customers went home to get warm.

The next morning, to our surprise, all of the cars started and ran as if nothing had happened. We laughed and wrote it off as a cosmic event of some kind—until it happened to another car that evening. This time out of desperation I racked my brain to find a common connection between all of the mysterious no-start cars. The only thing they all had in common was the shop helper who parked the cars in the customer delivery area.

I looked out the window into the cramped parking lot, where tire tracks led to a snow bank into which each and every car was backed, packing the tailpipe full of snow and ice! Just like the banana in the tailpipe—only to disappear without a trace when brought inside the shop to warm up.

The case of the missing air conditioner

When I was a rookie working in an engine repair shop I was accused of stealing a car's entire air conditioning system. Here's the story...

One hot summer day after completing an engine rebuild on a '79 Subaru, I went for the customary road test to warm it up and check it for leaks. Everything went fine and the rebuild was something to be proud of.

Later that day the customer arrived, picked up the car and drove off down the street, waving goodbye all the way to the stop sign. Then the back-up lights came on. Uh-oh...what could be wrong?

She was disappointed and angry that the air conditioner did not work. I quietly opened the hood and showed her that the car did not have A/C—never did! That was the wrong thing to say....wow! Now I was accused of stealing it, with finger pointing and all.

At last I got the idea: I'll get her to show me the A/C switch. She pointed to the vent lever and said, "The last time I drove it, cold air came through whenever I moved it ! "

So I asked her,"When was the last time you drove it?"

She responded: "January?"

No, there is no such thing as

• a Bucket of Volts
• Turn-signal Fluid
• a Compression Hinge